babymamawisdom

Kaelynn Grace

For Angelica
By Laura McCollough Moss

On this day
when others
your age
lift too many and sleep til noon,
You rock a golden baby
sing and pray.
So young,
both of you
there's no handbook for motherhood
they say
 could you have prepared for this?
You love her so,
that's all you know.
You absorb, react, respond
do your best to figure it out day by day.
STRENGTH
and
HEARTS
get you through,
you lean on us,
we lean on you.
You shouldn't know this kind of pain,
and hope you never will again
You keep the faith
fight the doubt
and advocate
for your one true love.
There are no words to describe
your courage
loyalty
resilience
This time will pass,
but what you've gained
 will serve you well
all of your life.
Happy
Happy
Birthday
you are admired more than you know.

scatteredwisdom

Ashes

By Laura McCollough Moss

It started today,

out on Lake Gaston

the somber broadcast

A few there,

a few more on land because

Papa likes to think of her beneath a tree

tomorrow all the rest

will go as she wanted

into the Atlantic

off the Carolina coast

and I wonder

where are the lavender toenails?

I hope her arms are in Gaston

she can caress us

while we swim

Her strong proud face

beneath the tree

basking in the sun year-round

Her heart

belongs in the ocean

adrift along the surface,

glinting in the moonlight

drifting toward a lighthouse

With the emptying of that box she is gone

we can't put our hands on her

anymore

But she is bigger now,

part of nature

that is the way it should be

Goodbye, Love

Goodbye

Enjoy your travels

your time has come.

reallovewisdom

He Loved Her

By Laura McCollough Moss

His truck was already parked in the lot when I got to the restaurant; judging by the rain on the windows he'd gotten there well before me. I'd called him from work to check on our plans.

"Let's meet at the Club at five-thirty," I suggested, distractedly checking my email.

He'd heard that one before.

"So you'll be there at what time?"

"Shut up! I'm leaving here within the next half hour."

I wrapped up my day within the hour (yep; he knew) and hurried home to check on things, take the dogs out and fix my hair. As I grabbed my keys and headed out the door, the microwave read '5:28'.

He was sitting at the end of the bar with his Old Granddad and gingerale when I walked in, making a dramatic show of checking his watch. I tossed my purse under the bar and took the stool next to him.

"Five thirty-six," he feigned annoyance. "When I say I'll be somewhere at five-thirty, I'm there by twenty-five after."

"Well Bud, we're not all retired like you. Some of us have responsibilities," I teased, catching the bartender's eye. He set a beer in front of me and took money from the pile in front of my father.

"She mooches off me every Wednesday," Bud declared, grabbing the quarters off the stacked bills and pocketing them. "I like to save these," he told me, again. "It seems you need quarters everywhere you go. The laundromat, to get air in your tires, three to pick up a paper- I get a lot of change when I come here." Great, Dad; great. I took my first crisp, delicious sip.

"What'd you do today?"

He shook his head. "I can't remember. I did a bunch of shit. I went and got my taxes done."

I'd forgotten he had the appointment. "That's right. Were you there long?"

"No, that guy does it really quick. I had everything with me that I needed; I see you're surprised, but I do get things straight once in awhile. He sat down, looked them over, jotted a few things down and said 'that'll be a hundred dollars.' Then I was out of there. He's a good guy."

"How much are you getting back?"

"Two hundred and fifty-four dollars."

"And you had to give him a hundred?" I laughed, and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, I told him I usually got a kiss when I got screwed. Oh well, I'm glad it's over. I was late with them last year." He looked down and stirred his drink with the little straw. Last year. We were both quiet for a minute or two.

"Poor girl," he stood and put his money away; then he put a hand on the back of my chair.

"Let's eat."

The hostess seated us at a table we'd shared before. The chair across from me, and next to Bud, looked glaringly empty as it had the past ten months. Wednesday was our Happy Hour night; the three of us. Now it was just the two of us, but we kept the tradition alive.

"Look at that woman there," he smiled, watching a couple come into the dining room. "Your mother used to have that look. She'd have that little grin and look around, taking everything in and trying to see if she knew anybody.  I always thought it was so cute when she did that."

Flash- just like that, I was about to cry, but I checked the emotion. I was getting really good at it; acting like all was well when I wanted to bawl my eyes out; for her, for him. She was gone, true enough; and that was hard to take. What turned out to be harder was seeing him alone. Ever the comedian, there was a sadness behind his eyes these days that you had to know him well to see. And although we'd always been close, this shared pain now made us inseparable.

A man strolled by with perfect posture and a masterful comb-over. Bud gave me that 'get him' expression; sitting there with his own low side part. We razzed him about it all the time, but he still looked pretty-damn-good for seventy-five.

We chatted and ate our broiled fish. He sent over half of his home with me.

"I can't eat worth a damn anymore," he sighed, tossing the tip across the table.

We joke about it; I'm almost fifty, but when I'm with my dad, he's the Dad, and he pays.

When Mom was here it was the same way; I would let her cook, serve, and clean up the mess because she was the Mom. No matter how old you get, it's just that way. Your parents are your parents.

Bud caught me glancing at the clock. "Well, let's get out of here. You want to get home to your husband." I had someone waiting for me, and it always made me feel a little guilty.

We made our way slowly out to the coat-check, and got ready to leave. Two couples stood talking in the doorway, blocking the exit. We all did a little shuffle before they noticed us and let us pass.

"We had a name for people like that in the Navy," Bud pulled his zipper up.

"Oh really? What did you call them?" I took the bait.

"Assholes," he chuckled.  That's Bud.

We hugged goodbye and got into our cars.

"Keep in touch," he called.

"I will," I whispered.

I will.

echoesofpastwisdom

A Woman's Rite

By Laura McCollough

Try to understand

it's still fresh you see

this hurt

this pain

that you see in me

feeling guilty

blistering shame at what I've done

I was raised better

wouldn't hurt

anyone

But I did

someone who needed me

to survive

 I was more concerned about

the appearance of things

He drove me there but

didn't stay

I was all alone

to face the choice we made

Country hick

I'm sure they thought

don't they teach them

about this there?

Intern came

examined my breasts for the longest time

smirked and pulled

the gown back down

I was that naive

and scared

Sure that I deserved the worst

 they had in store

I called home the night before

We couldn't talk long

 make the boys suspicious

They came for me

no turning back

The older roommate gave a knowing glance

I laid on their gurney

and swallowed my pride

none of them knew what went on inside

After I woke felt sick

threw up yes that's it

you should be miserable

That's when she

placed a cool hand on my forehead

held a basin in front of me

spoke softly

I was confused

how could she treat me this way

did she know?

Today I know she did

she saw

the innocence, the fear

the regret

and still cared for me

That angel nurse

don't think I ever knew her name

but she inspired me

to go on and make the most of my life

I've gone on to touch

understand

soothe and comfort

but I am always atoning that scar

December 17, 1979

thankfulwisdom

The Grateful Un-dead

By Laura McCollough Moss

Good morning

wake to see another day

Stretch

Let's hear those feet hit the floor

Glad

to take dogs out

find clothes

shower

This ordinary routine

do you know how many

face life's explosions and would give

Anything

to feel normal

travel that familiar route?

Take this gift

pick up the scattered socks

stop for milk

make your deadlines

kiss those foreheads
 and

Thank your lucky stars.