smalltownwisdom

Friday Night

By Laura McCollough

Another hard week

 tired but

make the effort

Hire a sitter

put off the electric bill

Pretty face

too much makeup

teeth not perfect

no money for that

Nothing to wear

borrow a top from a friend

shiny, cheap and tight

clings to the muffin top

over jeans from

before the baby

Old bridesmaid's heels

kill to walk in 

the bar is full

the usual crowd

look for that guy

 with the cute smile

not here tonight

 married anyway

 the rest are slim pickins

jeans low down

 silver studded belts

hats on sideways

not a decent ass in the bunch

strong cologne

don't expect them to buy drinks

broke

not too bright

air-guitar their cue sticks

to the thrumming jukebox

hang around til closing

who will be lonely

desperate

enough to take them home.

lovingcarewisdom

Family Leave

By Laura McCollough Moss

That's it

don't be restless now

Dial soap

hot water in a plastic basin

squeeze the cloth tight

wrap it around your hand

like a mitt

never forgot that

press the moist, clean-smelling warmth

gently against her face and

hear the grateful sigh

Wipe the eyes carefully

outward from the inside corner

each side of the nose

wet the lips

dip

rinse

"I was thinking,"

she rasps

"About the restaurant.

Mike could make up boxed lunches.

He could have specials with

a different sandwich featured every day."

There's a pause while I stare into the cloudy water

tears piercing my eyes

She looks at me

"What's wrong Honey?"

I look at her

really look

we both know her time is fading

"I'm just sad that you won't be there."

I take her hand and clean between the fingers.

There's so little I can do and yet

it is everything.

She doesn't look now

closes her eyes

"I'll be there,"

she says

Picking up the towel

I know

 she will.



hardwonwisdom

Good Grief

By Laura McCollough Moss

Slowly

slowly

the veil is lifted

look up

accept the sun's comfort

Ah, that's what it felt like

it's been so cold 

 so dark

for so long

One day a sliver of joy streams in

with its friend hope

Shedding light

you remember

fondly

without tears

laugh again

A far better tribute

to live your life

lay your cautious heart bare

celebrate

 what was

who's left

 what is and

what's to come.



painfulwisdom

Just a Feeling I Get

By Laura McCollough Moss

I'd like to quantify

this pain for you

on a scale of one to ten

it's not so much a pain

as an ache

oh, not an ache but a

sensation

all down my arms

 across my chest

where someone has been

taken away

never to hold

again

what kind of remedy

 not a job for

non-steroidal anti-inflammatories

acetaminophen won't touch it

narcotics wouldn't make a dent

I've tried red wine

which when overdone

only helps the tears to flow

 then the ache stops being dull

 throbs

and my fingers tingle

grasping for

a memory.

resurrectionwisdom

How I Spent My Easter Break

By Laura McCollough Moss

Ever the Good Mother

or so I assumed

as I tidied and scrubbed

baked and shopped

careful to select

to convey welcome

attention to preference

and comfort

unintentionally

 making the fatal mistake

of expectation

A misguided effort

to mend

the apparently irreparable

result of my

abiding,

smothering love

Twenty year old home video

aiming the camera at a

car-seated toddler

whose disinterested gaze out the window

makes the cajoling

"Do you love your Mom?"

over and over

all the more humiliating

This need runs deep

not connected to you

and starting

long before you came along

but you were supposed to fill it

And you've grown to resent me

hate me even, I'm sure

I'm a childish writer

a wannabe intellectual

I don't act my age

I'm delusional

naive

ignorant

An unsafe, unreliable confidante

bound to leak

secrets

in the hunt for affirmation

Setting this down

I think I hate me, too

how could it have gone so wrong

Time to snap

that brittle yardstick

look deep inside and

start over

There's an anger simmering in me now

unloved

unrecognized

unappreciated

it's time to learn that comfort can only be found

within

too staggering a burden to place

on anyone else

So I won't wait here

to be told of my

shortcomings

I won't come begging for the report

I'll be busy

licking my wounds

on a yoga mat

maybe some travel

more conscious writing

Surround myself with other imperfect people

who understand

This whipping post

has closed up shop

and you are free,

Child!

free.

fretfulwisdom

Worried

By Laura McCollough Moss

I'm worried

will Spring ever come

will I gain weight

from Easter dinner

will my dogs stay healthy

will the organic detergent

get the clothes as clean as Tide

will these wars ever stop

will I lose my job

will I have to work forever

will gas prices go higher

will I get cancer

like my parents

will we have an earthquake

does my husband still want me

am I looking older

will the Colts have a decent season

will I write anything of substance

will anybody care

will I have grandchildren

will we sell the house

will the business thrive

can Lil Jon win the Apprentice

will facebook cost money

why'd I buy a gas guzzler

flying Southwest in July

is God for real

should I rip up the old carpet

will I get out in my kayak

will the sixteens fit by summer

can I face the anniversary

of my mother's death

can't bear to lose anyone else

yet know I will

what's it feel like to die

what's this rash about

do those sneakers really tone anything

should I have had those two cookies

am I weird

are my kids happy

can their partners stand me

can I live my dreams

do I drink too much coffee

I'm telling you

I'm worried.

babymamawisdom

Kaelynn Grace

For Angelica
By Laura McCollough Moss

On this day
when others
your age
lift too many and sleep til noon,
You rock a golden baby
sing and pray.
So young,
both of you
there's no handbook for motherhood
they say
 could you have prepared for this?
You love her so,
that's all you know.
You absorb, react, respond
do your best to figure it out day by day.
STRENGTH
and
HEARTS
get you through,
you lean on us,
we lean on you.
You shouldn't know this kind of pain,
and hope you never will again
You keep the faith
fight the doubt
and advocate
for your one true love.
There are no words to describe
your courage
loyalty
resilience
This time will pass,
but what you've gained
 will serve you well
all of your life.
Happy
Happy
Birthday
you are admired more than you know.

thankfulwisdom

The Grateful Un-dead

By Laura McCollough Moss

Good morning

wake to see another day

Stretch

Let's hear those feet hit the floor

Glad

to take dogs out

find clothes

shower

This ordinary routine

do you know how many

face life's explosions and would give

Anything

to feel normal

travel that familiar route?

Take this gift

pick up the scattered socks

stop for milk

make your deadlines

kiss those foreheads
 and

Thank your lucky stars.

ain'tlovegrandwisdom

Love You Long Time

By Laura McCollough Moss

We're not kids

it's just another day really

Hallmark holiday

gone commercial

I'd kill you if you

spent money

out of obligation.

What's real love anyway?

Not construction paper hearts

with doilies on top

or the latest jewelry craze.

It's getting up with babies

making homemade soup

bringing home new boots when the old ones

crack and let the water in.

 We don't have to jump

through adolescent hoops

to know what we have here.

Still,

would it have killed you

to pick up a dollar card

and a candy bar?

I mean really.

What are you doing out there?

So this is what it's like

to sit in the living room

and smell something cooking.

Here you come with a plate

of noodles with the chicken

shaped perfectly on top.

"I can give you more but I didn't want to spoil the heart."

God I'm lucky

You've always known just what I needed

And I cry

Oh, Honey,

You shouldn't have.

grownmanwisdom

My Son

By Laura McCollough Moss

Can I tell you

to trust your heart

When you are battling doubt

and struggling with faith?

Can I ask you

to put that faith in me

When I model

a flawed foundation?

Can I help you

to learn and grow

When what I taught

may have dimmed your light?

The questions start early and

are not easily answered.

How dare I be disappointed

when I've left you

wanting-

 unprepared?

I believe you hold the answers,

 have all along

And if you search

just a little while longer

They will rise to the surface,

mend the longing in your soul and

 free your wounded spirit.

My wise and wonderful boy

then you can tell me,

Ask me,

help me,

With mine.

ItGoesOnWisdom

Freestyle

By Laura McCollough Moss

I started to cry on the I-190

Just before the dreaded exit

"What's the matter, Honey?" she asked,

rhetorically.

"Don't do this, Laura."

The number 6 off-ramp loomed

and threatened.

"I'm going to be fine."

Where did it come from

the strength, the calm?

Try to put yourself in her place,

Lying expectantly in your backless gown

and paper hat,

Terry gripper socks on your feet.

The pre-op IV flowing in but they tell you

they can't give you anything 'good' yet.

The waiting, waiting, waiting

"Why don't you guys go have your lunch?

I'll be fine here. There's no

reason for you to hang around."

And we left her there

glad to be spared the going-away party.

Shedding tears at the ATM,

morose over the day's special.

Eight-and-one-half hours they worked

She had plainly expressed her disapproval of

 such an aggressive procedure.

"If you can't get it all, I want you to close me up."

They forgot

or hoped against hope

or took advantage of the teaching opportunity

Whatever the reason it got ugly but they did their best.

She was a ten-day girl.

Ten days at Roswell,

Ten days at Rehab. and a little while in between before

Ten days of Hospice.

She's gone now

gone

And I'm preparing to trade the Freestyle.

Her chariot of fire.

She was there in the passenger seat,

Lamb to lion

and I didn't know it would be so hard to

let it go.

"She wouldn't keep the old thing,"

Daddy Mike consoles me and I have to laugh.

That's the point.

newyearwisdom

Another One
By Laura McCollough Moss

New year
number fifty
how it's changed from those days
of cheap soda and cheese curls
on the braided rug
Three channels to choose from
to watch that ball drop
What a feat
to make it til twelve!
Probably six after that
spent babysitting
pining for the magic date
that didn't happen.
First one with Daddy
robe Giacobazzi and grapes
stashed beneath my register in anticipation
thought I was so grown up.
Have gone out very few of them
reflecting on it now.
With each one that passes
comes a new respect for
the power of time.
How many more will there be?
No way of knowing.
Hope to spend a few tending
grandchildren God willing,
with their parents safely away
fill them up with cheap soda and cheese curls
let them stay up til twelve!
Now there's a good time.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

despairwisdom

God I hate you
 go ahead
stick one more morsel
into that piehole
God you're ugly
sitting there inert
you haven't done
one fucking thing all day
God you're stupid
thinking you could beat it
You're looking pretty beat down
to me.
Maybe there's a dumber
uglier
fatter
more wretched bitch in this world than you
but I don't know where.
You make me sick you really do.
Somebody ought to put you out of your misery.
Loser.

we'veallbeentherewisdom

Parental Units
by Laura McCollough Moss


You grew up
grew angry
grew away
Say they messed you up
were hard on you
criticized you
verbally abused you
Robbed your confidence
What's your point?
they want to know
That's what happened to them too
You didn't invent this discovery
That's what happens when
children have children
they do the best they know how
and fall woefully short.
By the time they know what they're doing
you're gone
and they wonder
what your problem is.
Know one thing
they loved you then love you now
dysfunction is no barrier to affection.
Try to get to know them
understand them
Care for the frightened child in them
you'll find it worth your while
to cross that great divide
and meet them
in the middle.

holidayremembrancewisdom

New at This


By Laura McCollough Moss



What to do now,

Left alone with nowhere to put this pain.

“There’s no pill for it,” she said.

He looked at me from atop his wire rims

“What were you hoping I could do for you?”

Like I know.

Somebody do something

This hurts more than I ever imagined.

“Paddle your own canoe” you used to tell me

And so I wipe my face and step out the door

Do my best to fill your place at the table the sink the stove.

I’ve learned to be strong understanding and capable

It came at a price but finding grace is never easy.

The love the good times the memories remain.

Miss you so yet thankful to have had you with me.

You would tell me “it will be alright”, just one more

Reason why I loved you and

I will never forget.

pretzelwisdomputitoutthere

Looking for Comments
By Laura McCollough Moss

So do you read my writing?
I text you
I need to know what
you like better
The blood
or the guts
That's what it is.
You see I
put it out there
for you.
That's not what it says
but I know the truth.
Am I smart enough
good enough
do you think it's crap
because anyone can like it but
you're the only one who matters.
I imagine your impressions as
I put it down.
Predict your criticism
crave your praise.
How to tell the story
in a way
you will understand.
There's more to me.

forthewiveswisdom

For the Wives
By Laura McCollough Moss

She parks the car and trudges inside
for her daily visit
hoping that the new rouge hides
the old tears.
Five years now she has been coming
to see him
He looks nothing like the pictures to
anyone but her.
They say she should go home
and rest, relax
She doesn't know how without him there.
She's had to learn to fix things
she mows grass
and does his laundry at home
She likes it when he smells nice
like he used to.
They don't care like she does
They feed and water him
turn him over
clean up his messes
while they talk about their weekend.
They think she doesn't see them
roll their eyes
when she asks for news of him.
He's fine they say.
If he was fine would he be here?
She cares.
So when they're short with her she cries.
That upsets him
and makes her feel guilty added to sad.
How to make them understand
that he is more than what they see?
He's a father and a fisherman
a foreman and fun at parties
He likes to feel that he's earned
his rest and food
But now they come too easily
and time crawls.
He hurts and misses his dog.
His life in the moving kodak frame
so far away.
The only thing that makes it bearable
is her faithfulness.
He loves her.