funnystuffwisdom

I got to thinking, tonight, about the funniest moments that I can recall. I've been through some hysterical situations; as we all have. Replaying them in your mind can be a real pick-me-up- and keeps us from taking ourselves too seriously; I mean, why?
Driving through the beautiful fall landscape today, I couldn't help but marvel at the fact that, while we are being born, and living, and working, and dying and having any number of human difficulties and miracles, the universe is unimpressed. The year after we die, the trees will bud, the sun will shine, the leaves will turn color and the snow will fall;  just like they did before we were born. Nothing that we do upsets this rhythm, and that is a humbling realization.  On the day of your wedding, somebody washed their car, and performed other mundane chores. Someone will stroll past the funeral home as you lie inside; taking a bit of fresh air. Life, as they say, goes on. That's why it's so important to see the humor in it all.
Here's a sampling:
~ In, I think, 6th grade, my best friend Mary & I were late for math class. The teacher didn't take too kindly to tardiness, so we tried to sneak in without interrupting the lecture. We passed quickly across the front of the room toward our seats before an amused prepubescent audience. In her haste Mary,  ahead of me, dropped a notebook. It slapped the floor, & a few titters erupted from the crowd. She bent down to get it as I kept right on going, tripping over her in a most ungainly fashion. To make matters worse, the exertion caused my body to emit , to my horror, a brief but loud flatulence. I collected myself and attempted to appear unscathed, certain that with all the calamity, the offense had gone unnoticed. I lived happily with that assumption until, years later, Mary began to ask if I remembered that time...(helpless laughter)... when we ran into Morgan's class and I fell over her and farted?! The jig was up. I can only imagine the teacher's lounge that day, as the incident was relayed to the full faculty.
~ Probably one or two years after that, on Halloween, my cousin , another friend and I were eager to try a prank we'd learned of, in which you put animal droppings into a paper bag, and set it ablaze on someone's doorstep. The unsuspecting stomper would get a big surprise!!! We snuck into my Dad's chicken coop and got some poop from whatever animal he had at the time; a pig, a calf, rabbits, it escapes me now but anyway, we got a bagful. Under cover of darkness and scolding one another to suppress our giggles, we snuck into the yard of a family of boys we knew (and you know, liked but acted like we didn't like). We had the bag, and a lighter. All systems were go. Suddenly, the boys ran out and scared us- they'd seen us coming! They surrounded us and one said, "Take their candy!" At which point another one grabbed the bag from me and thrust his hand inside. We girls fell to the ground in hysterics. Fate had intervened and far surpassed our original plan! On the not-so-good side, I never could get 'him' to like me after that. The price you pay for a great moment!
~ My cousin was going to stay overnight at my house. We were probably fifteen or so. We were in my room, changing, when my two younger brothers burst in. Completely naked, the girl threw herself onto my bed and covered her head with the bedspread. Everything else was OUT THERE! With eyes as big as saucers, the boys took a quick look before taking off. Mind you, there were two of us in the room, and I was in plain sight.  "Why did you just cover your head, Dummy?" I asked. "I thought they wouldn't know who I was," was her logic. Did I mention that her hair was kinda blonde?
~ I was working as a nurse in ICU, and an elderly gentleman came in with respiratory distress. A local doctor, known for his sober demeanor and exacting standards (read-we were terrified of him)- was consulted to evaluate the man. One of my co-workers went in to assist with the assessment. The physician gravely asked the patient what medications he was taking, and as so often happened, the report was vague. He was pretty sure he took a "puffer" and said he kept it in his shirt pocket. The doctor was becoming  frustrated at the length of the interview and its fruitless findings, so the RN, eager to impress, was stricken with an idea. "Let me just check his shirt, Doctor. We'll see what type of inhaler Mr. ____ is using. " She reached for the flannel shirt and felt for a round object in one of the chest pockets. With a flourish, she pulled forth a small, battery-operated penis and held it inches from the doctor's nose. The patient stammered a flimsy explanation, Dr. Sourpuss looked down his nose in disgust, and  the nurse had a minor nervous breakdown. Oh, to hear her re-tell it later! She had us in stitches. Each of us, in turn, had to 'check' on the man at some point during the night, and take a sneak peak at his peter (the fake one).
~ My kids make me tell this one at least once a year, just so they can watch me convulse with laughter, which I NEVER fail to do. Again, in ICU, I cared for a distinguished gentleman from out of town, who was visiting Chautauqua Institution one summer. Unfortunately, he suffered a heart attack, but with my expert care (his opinion), he was doing much better. He had moved down to Phase II telemetry when he called me in to meet his wife; a lovely, cultured woman. She asked me polite questions; had I grown up in the area, how long had I been a nurse, that kind of thing, and I was doing my best to provide intelligent answers. Then she said, "Do you have any children?" "Yes," I replied, "my daughter's a girl, and my son's a boy." She blushed a little and covered her mouth with her hand to hide her smile, embarrassed for me. I remember she said "Oh!" There was nothing I could do but turn and leave the room.
~ I was sitting at the nurse's desk doing some work on the computer. It was later in the afternoon, and nothing much was going on. There were some elderly ladies seated near the desk. Out of nowhere, one of them broke the silence. "I think I just pissed my slacks." One of her companions chuckled and said, "Aren't you a little old for that, ____?"
~ My husband & I were driving to the Buffalo area to pick up some chairs we'd bought on ebay. We asked my Dad if he'd like to come along. Because of the obscure address, we used our Garmin gps. Bud and Mike joked that, thanks to the mechanized feminine voice on the machine, it was now possible to "have another woman bitching at them while they drive". As we got close to our destination, we were straining to see the place, and traffic was heavy. Tensions were running higher, and the Garmin was mum. Bud quipped "talk to me Lady, don't clam up now!"
That's all I can think of for now, but I know there are many more. It's fun to think of them again. Laughter makes life worth living for me, and I try to see the humor in the direst of circumstances.
Can you remember any of your funniest moments? If so, please share.