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Celoron, NY, United States
And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

4.25.2011

resurrectionwisdom

How I Spent My Easter Break
By Laura McCollough Moss


Ever the Good Mother
or so I assumed
as I tidied and scrubbed
baked and shopped
careful to select
to convey welcome
attention to preference
and comfort
unintentionally
 making the fatal mistake
of expectation
A misguided effort
to mend
the apparently irreparable
result of my
abiding,
smothering love
Twenty year old home video
aiming the camera at a
car-seated toddler
whose disinterested gaze out the window
makes the cajoling
"Do you love your Mom?"
over and over
all the more humiliating
This need runs deep
not connected to you
and starting
long before you came along
but you were supposed to fill it
And you've grown to resent me
hate me even, I'm sure
I'm a childish writer
a wannabe intellectual
I don't act my age
I'm delusional
naive
ignorant
An unsafe, unreliable confidante
bound to leak
secrets
in the hunt for affirmation
Setting this down
I think I hate me, too
how could it have gone so wrong
Time to snap
that brittle yardstick
look deep inside and
start over
There's an anger simmering in me now
unloved
unrecognized
unappreciated
it's time to learn that comfort can only be found
within
too staggering a burden to place
on anyone else
So I won't wait here
to be told of my
shortcomings
I won't come begging for the report
I'll be busy
licking my wounds
on a yoga mat
maybe some travel
more conscious writing
Surround myself with other imperfect people
who understand
This whipping post
has closed up shop
and you are free,
Child!
free.

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