echoesofpastwisdom

A Woman's Rite

By Laura McCollough

Try to understand

it's still fresh you see

this hurt

this pain

that you see in me

feeling guilty

blistering shame at what I've done

I was raised better

wouldn't hurt

anyone

But I did

someone who needed me

to survive

 I was more concerned about

the appearance of things

He drove me there but

didn't stay

I was all alone

to face the choice we made

Country hick

I'm sure they thought

don't they teach them

about this there?

Intern came

examined my breasts for the longest time

smirked and pulled

the gown back down

I was that naive

and scared

Sure that I deserved the worst

 they had in store

I called home the night before

We couldn't talk long

 make the boys suspicious

They came for me

no turning back

The older roommate gave a knowing glance

I laid on their gurney

and swallowed my pride

none of them knew what went on inside

After I woke felt sick

threw up yes that's it

you should be miserable

That's when she

placed a cool hand on my forehead

held a basin in front of me

spoke softly

I was confused

how could she treat me this way

did she know?

Today I know she did

she saw

the innocence, the fear

the regret

and still cared for me

That angel nurse

don't think I ever knew her name

but she inspired me

to go on and make the most of my life

I've gone on to touch

understand

soothe and comfort

but I am always atoning that scar

December 17, 1979